11 Jan

It is the end of the road.

A wish

2 Dec




6 Oct

Six years ago, same date, same day, around the same time, we’ve finally met in person.

I was never the same after that.

Today, I am on the top of the Umeda Sky Building, creating new memories… but without you.

Trying to forget somehow what happened six years ago…

But I failed.

Because now, from this observatory deck, while basking in the sun against the Osaka skyline as the wind mess up with my hair, I am reminded of you.

And I just wish you are here, making new memories with me.


– Aug 20, 2019 | Umeda Sky Building.

On Moving On

5 Oct


Of Dowry and Arranged Marriages

22 Aug

After enduring two missed flights and delays, unpredictable August monsoon rains that caused terrifying turbulence, some heated discussions, and weeks of contemplation of whether I should push on with this trip, I finally landed in the thriving city of Bangalore. I couldn’t believe it. I am in India. I finally made it after almost a decade of wishing and hoping.

Unsure of what to expect in this foreign city, I only have one mission – to see him for the first time, and maybe for the last time too. Having gone through a stressful flight and being in a foreign country in a different time zone and culture, not to mention the incessant news about the sexual assault on women, I needed to feel safe. I looked for him in the crowd at the arrival area, hoping he’ll be there to make me feel alright. It was the farthest place I have been so far. I looked at the crowd once more, there I found a tall, dark man with charming set of eyes holding a sign with my name on it. But it wasn’t him. It was the chauffeur the hotel sent to pick me up.

I observed this new world from the untainted windows of the luxury car as we drive to my hotel. The scenes weren’t totally new. I see these daily back home – people trying to board a loaded bus during the 6pm rush hour, honking cars trapped in a chaotic traffic, barefooted kids running around, and random people on the streets. Yet seeing Hindu temples left and right, women with bright-colored saris, men in vibrant turbans, Bollywood stars in enormous billboards, and the distinct Indian features of most people, still made it so foreign to me. It was a glimpse of the country and culture I so longed to see, a fascination that started 9 years ago when we first met.

It wasn’t until the next morning when I finally saw him for the first time. It was magical. Even more magical than the enchanting beauty of India.

The next few days exposed me to what this city has to offer. I visited the historic Bangalore Palace, walked through the MG and Brigade roads where the locals frequent, rode a rickshaw, witnessed a Kollywood movie being filmed, smelled the exotic aroma of chicken biryani, and spent unforgettable moments with him. Bangalore distracted me too much, it made me forget all these has an ending. The magic didn’t last long.

Back at the airport once again, I saw him ran towards the departure area looking to find a familiar face. I tapped the giant glass wall that separated us. His eyes found me. “They won’t let me out anymore,” I said. He looked at me with piercing sadness as I showed him my boarding pass. I am leaving in an hour to go back to Manila, but I am leaving my heart in Bangalore.

Behind the glass, we talked through our mobile phones saying the saddest words ever told. “It’s not going to be the last time,” he said as he fought back his tears. I disagreed. Still on the phone, I headed to the immigration checkpoint. From the blurry glass wall, I saw him looking back at me. Our time was running out. He cried as he started to walk away but stopped and turned several times to see me until he faded before my eyes.

It was the day India broke my heart. The culture of dowry and arranged marriages tore me apart – his family arranged him to marry someone else.

I used to celebrate your birthday.

2 Dec

I used to celebrate your birthday.

Can I just hibernate and get up on the 3rd of Dec?


30 Jun

Two years ago today, you dropped the ‘bomb’ that shattered my heart and soul.

And I died.

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