Confusion, Disappointment and Hurt

5 Oct

Sometimes I just don’t understand him. One day he’s sweet and so into me.. the next day, he won’t even care. I have no doubt, he loves me I know. But he can be very careless at times that he already hurts me.

Sometimes, I am thinking if we should still go on.. but whenever we confront each other, we end up patching things up which just shows we can’t really let go of each other.  He is afraid to lose me completely and so am I. But I can’t help but be disappointed when he started getting confused. While I understand what he is going through… all the hassles he is facing in life…all his issues with family, relationship and himself.. I know he is having a rough time. But I am not a superwoman…I get hurt. I am affected.

Sometimes, I wonder what if we get married and then during our marriage life he gets confused again… what would happen to us, to me as his wife… to our kids? Will he become a responsible husband and dad?

I don’t know where is this going… I want to be with him, to love him forever. But how long will I have to put up with this?

I know we have too many problems now. His problems are not just his. It is mine too. And when he feels bad, it makes me feel bad too.

I know our relationship is not defined properly right now. But it doesn’t have to be, just to justify what we feel for each other. But it’s also because of it that I can’t really expect his commitment.  It can’t be denied that he loves me and that he can’t live without me. But why does this hurt?

My God, help us.

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