Undying Love?

18 Feb

What should I write first? Actually I don’t know… I just want to take this moment to sit and write. Actually I don’t want to write…But here I am… To put my feelings into writing this time is somewhat difficult for me.. . I don’t know what I am feeling at the moment. Perhaps, I have already become numb or I have decided to become numb. But no, I am not. I feel and it hurts so bad.

I’ve been in a roller coaster ride again. Dunno if it’s a coincidental that last year, I was in the same phase with the same person. I don’t know. Maybe I am just really stupid like that. Letting things happen, not just twice but multiple times. Yes,  a certified stupid. If there is a certification for stupidity, then I would be issued one. Is it really stupid to love someone?  to want to be with someone? to want to share everything with that someone? to believe in that someone? to care for that someone?

This is killing me now.

And when do you really say it’s enough? When do you say it’s really over? Because we have said and done this a few times in the past, but we end up just coming back to each others arm again and again. WHY? Why can’t we just let go of each other for good? Why can’t we just move on with our own lives, forgetting each other. After all, like most people say, it should be easier for us since we are not literally together, not living in the same place. Yeah, yeah… if this is that easy, then why are we still here four years later? Why do we come back again and again? Is this going to end? When? If not, why? and why can’t we?

What is the conclusion of all these things?

I am getting tired. But my heart still loves and loves despite the inconsistencies.

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