Decision

10 Mar

Okay, for now I will just let him. I won’t say anything. I won’t ask. I won’t exert an effort to reach out to him. This time I’ll see what he will do.

Actually I don’t know what to think, I don’t know what to do. I guess I should just leave myself be drowned in this ugly side of love…feeling the pain, drowning and drowning into it. Perhaps, after this I will feel disgusted and take action, or I will become numb in the fullest sense of the word.

I guess I will just wait for the right time.

I will just go on with my life… doing something I do everyday… oh no, not that..because he is part of my “everyday”, so rather a more focus on myself this time, how to utilize my skills more, try to become a better person, a more competitive one, a good daughter and sister and aunt, a genuine servant of God, a friend to all my friends, learn more, increase and advance my knowledge… all these for now.

I will set him aside for the mean time. I will scrap him out of my priorities now. After all, I am not even part of his priorities too. I feel like I am just a “part” of his life and not his “life” at all. Unlike me, my life revolves around him. Every decision I make is related to him, to us, for our future…

I’m saving money so I can be with him, so by then I will finally get to know if this is a real for keeps. At least it will answer one question in my life. I have to do this now. I know it’s going to be though and it’s a long wait… but I have to endure it. Along the way I know I will experience so much that will either drag me up or down, but I guess I will just go with the flow of these life’s waves until I reach the shore and get my answers.

I won’t disturb him now. I will try my very best not to think of him often. I will keep myself occupied.

I am getting tired but I don’t want to give up.

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