Archive | August, 2009

maybe today, i could put the past away — jumper (3rd eye blind)

21 Aug

maybe today

Caffeine and PMS

21 Aug

In my recent visit to my doctor due to Upper RTI, he told me to cut down on caffeine.  Yes, coffee.  And the other day, while I was having coffee at my favorite coffee shop (yes, I’m bad. Not following my doctor’s order. hehe), I read from a magazine what caffeine and sweets can do to your body that eventually will result to the irritating mood swings.

So I did my internet research on caffeine and sweets about them triggering the mood swings in women.  I don’t exactly remember every words, but it says something like caffeine is a drug and it causes your body to be on a ‘fight or flight’ mode.  Caffeine triggers the release of the stress hormones that you may use to prepare yourself for a dangerous situation, like what they cited, a war. But like for me, who just sits at my desks at the office, it may not be necessary.  Of course, moderate consumption of caffeine is fine. Well, everything that is in moderation is better.

But my consumption is way beyond the moderation. I am a coffee lover. Or addict, whichever suits best. I love sweets too. Chocolates are my vitamins. =) haha… and it is so hard to resist them. Unfortunately according to my internet research, they both have effects on my body particularly in my mood.  And true enough, I experience mood swings. There will always be days or weeks in a month that I get annoyed easily, irritated, overly sensitive and become a crybaby.  I hate it. I don’t like the feeling. I don’t like undergoing such stage wherein one minute you are happy, but the next you are sobbing. That’s just so crazy. It doesn’t make me feel good and it affects my relationship to others. It even ruined my relationship with my ex. Damn.

Oh well, so now I am having this experiment on myself. I will not drink any coffee for a month and will really try to avoid anything with caffeine. Sweets…. I will also avoid them, especially chocolates. I will see what wonders  it will do to me and my moods. I will see if they are really the culprit to my everchanging moods.

So I am daring myself:

*No coffee or anything with caffeine for a month
*No sweets too

I just started two days back and I haven’t had any coffee. Weeeeee!!!!!

Why I grieve for the loss of President Corazon Aquino

5 Aug


From my journal, dated July 26, 2009:

“I am personally saddened about learning that the former president Aquino is in the hospital fighting for her life. I pray that she gets better soon.”

~~~~   ~~~~   ~~~~

This is what I wrote in my journal while we were on our way home from the church where our head pastor lead a prayer for the former President Aquino. Indeed I was personally saddened upon learning her condition while she was still Makati Medical Center, but now my heart grieves for her loss.

I was born in the 80’s. I was 4 years old  when she became the president. All I could remember was the election, seeing her rival, Marcos’ face on the television and hearing my parents and some adult relatives and neighbors talking about them. I even remember saying, “kawawa naman si Marcos” , but I was corrected by my aunt, telling me that he deserves it. Of course, I really have no idea what was happening that time, I don’t understand what was going on, all I know is that the dictator Marcos looks pitiful on television. But the people around me were all rejoicing over Aquino’s victory.

Few years after that, I was in my mother’s hometown which is a 2-hour drive from Manila, I remember  while playing “baril-barilan” (toy guns) with my childhood friends (yes I used to play a lot of boys’ games) an elderly neighbor shouted at us and told us to stop playing. She said, there is already a chaos happening in Manila and playing a game like that is not good. She was talking about the coup d’é·tat in Manila during Aquino’s administration.

Then I also remember seeing advertisements on TV with some of the military men’s faces whom the government called as state enemies for staging the coup. I particularly recalled Honasan’s head shot. I also remember the massive power interruptions. Other than those I have mentioned, I don’t remember anything anymore during her term. I guess I was too young to remember.

About 1-2 decades after, I have some good memories about Mrs. Aquino. I don’t personally know her and haven’t even seen her in flesh but with her participation in fighting for truth, justice and righteousness during the past few years, she had earned my utmost respect. She bravely went out to the street and made her stand on political issues. Even after being diagnosed for cancer, she still didn’t stop supporting the fight for the righteous government. Truly she is an icon of democracy. We were encouraged when she joined forces with the  Filipinos who never lose hope for the Philippines.

I was saddened by her illness and grieves for her death. I felt like we have lost someone so significant, someone so vital for the fight we are fighting for the future of the nation. That I think is the very reason I grieve.

For the past few days, reports were showing the whole Philippines in grief. We are all mourning. They also showed how her death unifies the Filipinos. It is indeed good to see my fellowmen show concern and not being apathetic on what is going on. It is a good news from the bad news. But I hope it will not end here. I pray and hope that President Aquino’s legacy will always be remembered. I pray it will continue to live on in every hearts and minds of each Filipino citizen.


Thank you President Corazon Aquino. Thank you, you made us proud to be Filipinos.

“Ako’y nagpapasalamat sa Panginoong Diyos na ginawa niya akong isang Pilipino”
— Cory Aquino, September 2008

2 Aug

Your eyes lost its shimmer

And doesn’t look to my direction anymore.

2 Aug

It’s been more than 3 months. I wouldn’t forget… the anniversary of Titanic that is the same day my heart sank. Everything is still fresh. I still could hear the words you uttered and lines you wrote. They echo, they haunt, they torture.

You seem too far away now. You have moved on, perhaps. You already have forgotten.

What did you do? How did you do it? Maybe you can share it to me, and I can apply the same techniques too.

I don’t want to be affected anymore. I don’t want my every move, my every decision to be connected to you. I don’t want every thought about you in my head. I want you out. I want to forget you.

But please tell me how. I do not know how.

I don’t know if I regret meeting you. But if given a chance to turn back time, I will roll it back to that one Saturday of November 2004 and I will not go to that place where I met you. I will change what happened so we I won’t have to hurt you, so you won’t have to hurt me.

It is not supposed to end like this. It’s not supposed to hurt this way

Why does it have to be this way?  Why do I have to meet you? Why?

I want you out. I don’t want anything that has something to do about you anymore. This is not fair. This is so not fair.

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