Happy 30th M

2 Dec

So you are now 3- decade old.  It’s really been that long since we first met. We were young and naive, idealistic and hopeful about the future. I always wish to go back to those times. I missed “that feeling”.

As I always say in my prayer, I want you to be always happy, I want you to have a good life, no, actually,  to have a long and satisfied life,  a good health and a better future. This is part of my petition everyday to the Most High.

A year ago, I wanted to call you so I could greet you on your birthday.  But I didn’t for the fear of rejection. I was afraid you will not take my call so I settled with the SMS and offline messages, but it was never returned. I was hoping you’d call instead because I thought it would be a sign that you want me to be part of your special day. But there was nothing. No call. I was devastated. Yet still I went out, bought a slice of cake and celebrated your birthday alone.

I felt guilty for not calling you though. Maybe you were expecting my call. I think you were. But I was consumed with fear. When you called me a month later after your birthday, to greet me on my own birthday, I was so happy. I didn’t expect that call at all.  I cried too. I already conditioned myself that you have moved on and that you will never call again. But you did. That is when I knew that you actually expected I’d ring you on your birthday even if you didn’t say anything.

I know we talked a few times in the past  months. But  it has been 6 months.  And with that gap, I am starting to feel the same fear I felt last year. I want to do something special for your day. I want you to be the happiest person today. But I don’t know how will I do it or if you will ever allow me  to do it again.

Maybe I will just buy a cake again and celebrate alone just like last year or conquer my fear and ring your mobile. I don’t know. I haven’t figured it out yet.

Happy Birthday M.

Only the Lord knows all the WHYs and what lies ahead. I already entrusted you and ‘us’ to Him.

All I want is your happiness.

May you have a wonderful birthday my M.

P. S.

I’m missing you. And it’s been so long now.

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2 Responses to “Happy 30th M”

  1. Addie December 6, 2011 at 5:17 pm #

    I’m betting my one peso you called to greet him. 😀 Any truth in that? Te-hee

  2. Y December 9, 2011 at 10:05 am #

    Addie, you should have bet more than a peso. hahaha… 😛

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