I have a confession to make

10 Mar

I have a confession to make.

I had coffee during the days I am not supposed to have one.

As you know I have signed up for the 40 Days Of Water challenge by B:WM, not only to benefit the org’s mission but also as my form of sacrifice for the Lenten season. As you see, I have not been very successful with it.

The first week was quite good, except for that instance in Day 2 where I had Iced Tea out of excitement from a football match. I had my first feast day, which I had about 4 or 5 cups of good coffee.

The second week though wasn’t a success, I had coffee twice or thrice. You see, I am very in love with coffee and coming from the “feast day”, it was hard not to start my day without it. So day 6 and maybe 7 and 8, I had a cup of espresso in the morning. It was quite hard to resist, after all, coffee is overflowing in the office.

I had excuses. I said, “it’s not even exactly one cup, just half of it.” Or “BWM said we dont have to be perfect, so it’s okay.” Another lame excuse is that, “I really need to perk myself up, I didnt get much sleep so I need at least half a cup to survive the day.” Then I found myself hiding or making sure none of my co-workers who knew what I signed up for, sees me pressing that coffee machine. Not good.

I was tempted. I was being tested I know. And I gave in.

I also experienced persistent headache for a few days, became grumpy and all. And that is caffeine withdrawal I found out. And because of that, I came up with another excuse to have at least a cup to avoid withdrawal. Bad. So to compensate for the lack of caffeine, I started eating chocolates again. I already cut my chocolate consumptions since I started hitting the gym, but because of 40 Days of Water, I have no other source of caffeine aside from the chocolates.

I guess I could relate this to my relationship with M, that whenever I say that I’m done with him, I find myself thinking again of him and wishing we are back together. I give in to the thoughts that I can’t forget him or that I can’t move on.

I guess when you have something or someone you rely on too much, it’s hard to break the habit of thinking or going back to them.

But then, a comment I read from someone made me go on and stick to my commitment. It says, ” So to practice giving up something when it is available and easy to acquire now, could be an investment in strength for harder days ahead. ”

It is a good training. This sacrifice will help mold my character.

I am now halfway through it. Day 22 was yesterday and today is Feast day! 18 days to go! Well, so far, 3rd and 4th week were successful. By God’s amazing grace, I am able to continue with my commitment. I am still tempted ’till now. Well temptation will always be there but when you are committed, you shouldn’t have excuses.

And it takes a lot of discipline to do this.

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