Broken

5 Jun

How do I begin writing?

When things around me become so intense and overwhelming, I cant seem write. I can only manage to write a few sentences, sometimes in post its or small pieces of papers. Although I wanted to write every detail of the event, whether they are good or bad, I get too overwhelmed that I usually end up with only drafts. I guess it’s because I want to capture it perfectly in words.

Right now, I am in the same situation. And I want to cry and seclude myself from the cruelty of the moment. I want to hide and run away, far away like I used to do. I am feeling so bad. But I chose to write down this feelings instead. In Raw. unedited writing. Actually, I am forcing myself to write. I can’t do the same thing over and over again. I have to pour out and open up to the world the emotions I am trying to conceal.

I am broken hearted. But it’s not because of some romantic reason. My heart is broken because a very good friend, one of my closest friend just suddenly stopped talking to me. And I have no idea why. Last time we talked, things were good. It was short but still it was good. We talked about their family vacation. Then after that, I heard nothing from him. I would see him online, send him messages but there was no reply. Not even one. And I am upset. I don’t know what I did for him to avoid me. I kept asking but he is silent. And yesterday, I found out that he deleted the Facebook account I created for him (with his permission) and deleted me from Skype too. And it hurts big time.

I have no idea if I did something wrong, if I offended him. At least he should have said something. If it was my fault, he should have told me. He can blame me, shout on me, tell me all the wrong things I did, I would accept that. thats way better than this silent treatment. I cant bear this. I just cant.

If i am at fault, at least I can apologize. Not like this. I am puzzled. It is a mind-torturing.

This isn’t the first time it happened. Few years ago, he also did the same thing. The difference though is that, before, he stopped talking to his other friends too, now, it is just me. And like I said, this time, he deleted me from Skype unlike before. So it gives me an impression that he wants to end our friendship. And I don’t even know why.

I already cried a bucket. But im afraid, there are still some I will shed. I am just broken.

He is one of my very best friend. And I miss him. 😦

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2 Responses to “Broken”

  1. Giselle June 7, 2013 at 12:06 am #

    Lately, I’ve been feeling the same way with one of my friends. I haven’t been deleted from Facebook or Skype or anything, but I’ve been pretty much getting the silent treatment. If I don’t initiate conversation, we don’t talk at all. It’s sad 😦

    • Y June 22, 2013 at 5:34 pm #

      That’s sad to hear Giselle. I still haven’t talked to my best friend until now. But I hope in the perfect time, we’ll talk again and be friends again. Hope things turn out well for you.

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