30 Mar

It has been 6 months…
And I haven’t forgotten
No.
And I don’t know how to forget
Or if I will ever forget
It still feels like yesterday
Fresh in my memory
Every moment, every hour, every minute spent
My heart still hopes
And I don’t know why it still fucking do
I should have given up
I shouldn’t hope for anything
What a fool I am
This song playing
Takes me to the time
The wounds become fresh
The hurts, the pain becomes real once more
Why do I still think about you?
Why do I still hope that you’d come back?
I’m supposed to hate you
I’m supposed to move on
To let go
I wish there was a way to prevent it all from happening
If there was, I would do it
I just can’t stand this pain no longer
Why didn’t I give up?
Why didn’t I just stop long time ago?
Why did I let it come to this,
When my back is already against the wall?
When I am already too involved?
I should have given up one month after we’ve met
When you worried me so much after you stop talking for the first time
I should have stopped in that moment
So I won’t be in this situation
So I won’t be writing this…
Me and my foolish heart
I believed too much
I let my guard down
And let you in
It was already too deep
There was no way out without getting burn
Now, the core of my being was smashed
Everything I believed in,
Everything I hoped for
It’s all gone. All gone.
Everything I thought I was
Everything I thought was the truth
Were washed away
And replaced by cynicism
And the culture and the country I fell in love with
Backfired
I now despised everything that has to do with it
The optimist and the defender of prejudice I was
No longer exist
I am wrecked.
My whole being was shaken
I am not this.
This isn’t me.
But I don’t know how to get back to who I was.

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