Archive | August, 2014

One Year Ago – Time To Go Home (Part 1)

25 Aug

One year ago today…

We went to bed at almost 4am but we still haven’t slept, until at 7am, we just decided to have the buffet breakfast first before sleeping. So off to the hotel’s rooftop resto we went.

We returned to our room 2 hours later and by 10am we finally dozed off.

By around 3pm, I felt you went out of bed and saw you headed to the bathroom, I was too sleepy so I closed my eyes again. When you returned, my eyes were half opened, still very sleepy…then you told me that your stomach is aching as you lay down back in bed beside me. I got up to get a pill for you to take to alleviate the pain. I lay beside you again and asked which part of your tummy aches. I placed my hand there and you put your two hands in top of my hand and said, “Oh, the pain went away when you placed your hand on my tummy.” I was praying that time for the pain to go away.

After about half an hour laying on the bed, we got up so we can prepare… It is my last day and my flight will be at midnight.

You said you will just go back to your place to take your camera home and will get back as soon as possible. But before that, you asked me to teach you first how to use your new DSLR. So I did.

Before you go, I asked that you give me one of your shirts, I want to take it back home with me. Days before that, you also asked me ‘something ‘for you to keep.

When you left, I got ready and started packing my suitcase. While waiting for you, I decided to write you a letter, but as I started writing you knocked on the door. I stopped and hid the paper so you won’t see it. You watched me pack my things in my suitcase, then you remembered that thing you asked me to give you. I said I will give it later. I had it ready in a paper bag along with the other stuff I have been wanting to give you long time ago. Of course you didn’t know about them.

I then took my journal from my writing desk to put in my bag. You asked me what was it. When I told you it is my journal, you were so eager to see what’s written in it. You wanted to read what I’ve written there. Of course I said no, but you insisted. You even bargained that you will not read but will just look at my handwriting. I just showed you some pages and told you some stories about what I’ve written. Of course I didn’t show the pages where I’ve written about you. 

Then I had an idea, I asked you to write something in my journal instead. I gave you the few pages at the back for you to write anything you want to say to me. I then revealed to you that I was writing you a letter before you came and it wasn’t finished yet.

You started writing as I pack my suitcase. I looked at you as you write while laying on the bed. Oh how lovely was view of you. But after awhile, you said you will finish writing at the airport while we are waiting for me to board.

Then we took some pictures after that…pictures of you, pictures of us together.  Oh how happy I was that time because finally we have a picture together. I also recorded a video of you where you were hesitant at first but later gave a special message to me.

You and I

You and I




You with my favorite red bracelet

You with my favorite red bracelet

After that, you handed me the shirt I asked from you. It was your old shirt. Your “Beckham #23” shirt. I loved it even though it is an old one, because it is a football shirt and it is yours of course. I put it on and you said it looks so big on me and that I look like a rapper or a hip hop artist. But I loved it.

Your shirt.

Your shirt.

Now, my turn to give something to you. I gave what you asked for and you were so happy. Then you were surprised to see there were more in the paper bag. I took out a collectible art book I got from a book sale, the next one, the hard copies of your pictures that I had accumulated during our almost a decade of relationship. They were pictures you sent me over the years, from the time we met until the most recent pic you sent. And I had one of them framed too.It is one of my favorite picture of you.

The next thing that happened was something I didn’t expect.

I was calmly telling you about those pictures of you that I printed, when you looked at me and asked, “Why are you giving it back? These are yours…”

I couldn’t answer. I knew the answer but I just couldn’t say it.

I tried changing the topic and showed you another present I have in the paper bag, my Bible -the most important gift I can give you, then a very special book – a memoir of the former band member of Korn, and with it, a newspaper copy of an essay I entered in a contest in one of major dailies in my country. I was one of the winners and that was the only copy I have of that published essay. But I had to give it to you along with the book..

Still, you couldn’t get over the printed photos. You were holding them.

Then you broke into tears.

“These are my old pictures… Why are you giving it back to me?” You asked.

I still couldn’t answer.

Still crying, you said that everything we’ve had from the very beginning went back. You couldn’t stop crying.

Then you sat down in the bed, crying…and said, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry….” You couldn’t fight back your tears. I tried to remain calm and was hugging you so you would stop crying…

Then you asked, “What’s gonna happen to you now?”

“i don’t know…” I said.

“I will just go back home, return to work… I don’t know…. I actually do not know…”

Then I couldn’t help it… My tears started rolling down my cheeks…

“I don’t know what to do actually… I don’t  know anymore… All I knew was that I want to come here and see you….I just have to see you…I need to.”

We were both crying. You hugged me and told me to stop crying. You wiped the tears in eyes and tried fixing my hair. I know you didn’t want to see me cry like before.

We calmed down after a while but the atmosphere was melancholy. I took a few more pictures of you. Your eyes were swollen and reddish for crying.

Then it was time to check out. We decided to take an airport cab but it won’t be arriving anytime soon so we left my things at the reception and headed out to nearby stores to buy a few things that I can take back home. After checking out the Tommy Hilfiger shop, we went to a grocery store across the street. You took my hand as we cross the intersection. We got some local foods from the store that I can share to family and friends at home. Then you saw an ice cream and asked me if I want an ice cream again. I said yes and you got me one.

While at the cashier you took out your wallet to pay but I insisted to pay for them instead since I still have a few thousands of rupees. I saw some ID-sized pictures from your wallet and asked for them, you gave me three. I then gave you some old receipts I hid in my wallet where I’ve written notes about the times when we talked before while I was in a coffee shop in Manila.

Then you took out your phone. It was on silent mode but I saw that someone was calling on your mobile. And you rejected the call.

I didn’t say a thing but I saw who it was.

We returned to the hotel after. The cab is already there waiting for us.

On our way, you showed me the places that  frequently visit. The gym you go to, the street where you live, etc…you said your room is chaotic and that you didn’t want me to see it that way. You said one of your biggest fears is that I show up on your door and see your room totally messed up.

On your way to the airport, you showed me the place where you work and told me so many things about the city.

Inside the cab, I asked you to stay close to me. We kissed as you wrapped your arm around my shoulder. You didn’t like PDAs and also it is not common your country. And since we were with the cab driver, you were a bit uncomfortable.

When I saw the airport, I started to feel the sadness once again.

‘This is it’, I thought.


The airport

The airport




One Year Ago – MG/Brigade Roads, Garuda Mall, Ice cream, Tuborg and the Hotel Room

24 Aug

One year ago… I would never forget. Ever.

i woke up not feeling very well, thinking about the remaining hours I have in Bangalore. I cried again. I was feeling so frustrated and so lonely .

You said you aren’t sure if you can come because you are not feeling well. Sad.I was very sad. What will I do in the remaining 24+ hours of my time there? I came there just to see you. What will I do now that we can’t spend time together?

After some drama, you told me you will come to the hotel even if you are sick. You said, it doesn’t matter anymore. You said, we will go out, buy things and spend the rest of the night together.

I was worried of you of course because as much as I want us to be together, I want you to get some rest too. But you insisted.

So many special things happened when you arrived. Even if you were not well, we spend a few hours cuddling and all that. You said you  don’t want to think that you are sick.

We then went out later, and had an auto rickshaw ride. My first time to ride an auto. It was definitely special bec we were together in it, We headed to Garuda Mall, to buy your first Camera. But we got off at MG Road corner Brigade Road. You said, that is where locals frequent to spend the weekend so you want to show me what it look like .

My first Auto rickshaw ride and it was special bec you were with me.

My first Auto rickshaw ride and it was special bec you were with me.

Brigade road cor MG road... where we walked...

Brigade road cor MG road… where we walked…

Brigade road going to Garuda Mall

Brigade road going to Garuda Mall

We walked some more until the rain fell, soaking a bit of us, especially our feet. We stopped by this mall, went to the washroom to freshen up and walked around the department store.

Then when the rain kind of stop, we went to the Gauda Mall. On the 4th or the 5th Floor, we went to Whizz to buy your first big purchase – your very own DSLR. You really want to have that camera. Do you remember the very first picture taken? It was us, which was taken by the store clerk.

Whizz - store where you bought you first  DSLR.

Whizz – store where you bought you first DSLR.

After which, we went to KFC for our take home dinner. But upon waiting for our order, you asked me if I want an ice cream. I was already too tired and you said I was like a kid who got her energy back when given an ice cream. Of course, it was an ice cream and it was from you.

Before that,on our way to Garuda, I saw an ice cream store that caught my eye, and you told me, “ice cream” is for girls and you don’t eat much of it… I thought that was ridiculous statement. But at KFC, you got us two brownie sundae.

The brownie sundae you got for me

The brownie sundae you got for me

What made me happy was not exactly the ice cream, but the thought that you bought it for us after your statement.

I love how we sat down in the opposite chairs while enjoying our sundae. It was a sight I have always been dreaming about – you sitting right across to me and enjoying our food.

We dropped by the wine store near the CMH road on our way back to the hotel. You held my hand as we crossed the busy streets. I will never forget that moment.

Tuborg beer bottles we finished and we didnt even get tipsy at all

Tuborg beer bottles we finished and we didnt even get tipsy at all

You got us 4 bottles of Tuborg beers. You told me earlier that afternoon, when you were said you wont be able to see me, that you want to have a shot or two of whiskey so you can sleep and forget about the physical pain you are feeling. I told you I want to get drunk too. You asked why, I said I just want to. But the reason was I want to get drunk to maybe forget the “emotional pain” I was feeling that moment.

We spent the rest of the night in our hotel room, watching sports on tv, you telling me about cricket and demonstrating how it is played, cuddling in the love seat, eating dinner, talking about just anything until we were too exhausted that we decided it was bed time.



One Year Ago – CMH Road

23 Aug
CMH Road from the Pharmacy

CMH Road from the Pharmacy

One year ago today, I went to that pharmacy in CMH Road, right across the KFC. 

We didn’t spend time together that day. You already told me the day before that you cannot come because you have something to do. I did understand.

Later that afternoon, you told me you are not feeling well, that you have fever but still you went to work. I was worried of you at the same time feeling very very sad.

I knew it. It is coming near. And all I wanted was to spend more time. To take advantage of the moment.

I cried in my hotel room that day.

One year ago today – In Justa Residence Hotel, Indiranagar

22 Aug
This hotel - the most memorable hotel to me. I wish I can go back.

This hotel – the most memorable hotel to me. I wish I can go back.

This road - where we used to walk. I wish I can turn back the time....

This road – where we used to walk. I wish I can turn back the time….

One Year Ago – First Lunch Together

22 Aug
You got us this Chicken Biryani for our first lunch together. I still have the containers.

You got us this Chicken Biryani for our first lunch together. I still have the containers.

And you also got me this sandwich in case I won't like my first Indian meal - Biryani. But I like it, so this sandwich became my dinner instead.

And you also got me this sandwich in case I won’t like my first Indian meal – Biryani. But I like it, so this sandwich became my dinner instead.

One Year Ago – Bangalore Palace

21 Aug
One year ago today...

One year ago today…

Do you still remember? (One year later)

20 Aug

One year ago today, I witnessed a magic unfold. It was the day when we’ve seen each other in person for the first time. After almost a decade.

I will never forget that moment when I opened the door and our eyes first met.

I will never forget the glow in your face as you smiled and your eyes lit up.

I will never forget the moment when you first held me. Our first awkward hug when you entered the room. I was nervous. Then another hug, this time it wasn’t anymore awkward but I was still nervous.

I will never forget the moment when we first kissed. It was quick but special. Magical even. I can’t even describe the feeling. I do not have words. It was surreal.

It was followed by a tight hug that lasted quite a while…I didn’t want that moment to end but then I realized that I stained your shirt with my lipstick as my face was buried to your chest because you hugged me so tight. I wanted to remove the lipstick from your shirt but you insisted to let it be like that.

And you hugged me even more and more, and kiss my hands, lips and cheeks again and again. And you stared at me and I felt like I’m melting.

Those were some of the details I will never forget.

I will never forget all those ‘magical moments’ we’ve shared on our first day. All of it. All of it.

To me, everything’s still fresh as if it happened just a few days back. But the magic didn’t last too long.

I will never forget, but do you still remember them?

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