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My Most Memorable Birthday

11 Jan

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Today is my birthday. I just turned 27 and I must admit that, although this isn’t the first time I felt this, I feel old, really old.

With 3 years left going to my 3 decades of existence, I’d say that I am quite scared. I know I shouldn’t be as I should put my trust in Him. That is true but I just can’t help but feel this uncertainty and insecurity of what will take place in the years to come before I turn 30. I am afraid that I would fail and that my existence will be in vain.  I know I need to put my trust to God fully and I will through His grace and mercy.

Today, at the church I went to the front to give my life’s testimony on how I’ve experience God’s faithfulness. I couldn’t describe what I was/am feeling even until now.

I don’t remember at all when God first asked me to stand in front and testify about what he did to my career. I think it was 9 months back when I started with my present job. But I failed to do it. Few months passed yet I still feel the urge that God has put into my heart to let the people know about the favor I’ve experienced from Him.  Last night, I felt the call of God again for me stand in front and let His name be glorified. And since my birthday falls on a Sunday, I thought it is a great opportunity to give praises and glory back to Him.

So there I was, seated 3-4 rows from the back while my mother preach God’s word and my dad seated in the first row. God was insistently calling me, asking me to do it. In my mind while the sermon was on going, I was rehearsing what I will say in front of the crowd. I was already feeling nervous even though I was just seated there. Then right after the sermon, I went to the first row and sat beside my dad and mom while the church’ secretary was doing an announcement of the church activities.  Then the urge to come up the stage became stronger. I had few attempts at telling mom about it but I was feeling very nervous and shy that I thought maybe next time or next month since we schedule our “testimony” every first Sunday of the month and it is already a 2nd Sunday.

But God was insisting. Then again the thought about, if not today, when? It’s the best time because it’s my birthday! So I reached to my dad and whispered to him that I want to give a testimony. He smiled and said go ahead. But I told him I was shy and I don’t feel comfortable standing in front of a crowd.  He said, you shouldn’t be. Then to my mom, she said sure and asked what will you testify. I said, “just”.

But I told her I am shy and having jitters. Then she said okay. But God didn’t give me peace. He was convincing me. So again, I leaned to my mother and asked if the testimony will be right after the announcement. She said yes then asked me if I want to, I said yeah but I am very shy and not very comfortable in front of a crowd. What she said next has really convinced me to stand up. She said,  “if you are ashamed of  Him, then He will be ashamed of you before the Father.” (It’s in the Bible too!)

Then they called me up… introduced me as the Minister’s daughter though almost everyone knows that I am. All eyes were on me. I was very nervous. I was shaking. I am not used to standing in front of a crowd but for God’s glory, I will do it I thought.

I started with the greeting but for some reasons, tears started rolling, perhaps it was a mixed of nervousness and joy for God’s awesomeness. I couldn’t think of the best way to give back praises and glory to him but to overcome my fear of standing in front and give testimony about God’s abounding love and faithfulness. Although, I must admit that I would like to sing a song for God today but too bad I have colds and sore throat, I couldn’t sing. hahaha… It’s true but I think God allowed me to give a testimony instead of singing because there is a tendency that I would go after the applause of the people  and not give glory to His name. Perhaps, God allowed the colds and sore throat for a purpose. hahaha..

For all the birthdays that I had, this one is the memorable one. Not only because I am getting older but because I was able to do one thing for God that he’s been asking me to do and that even though, at some point I’ve become very disobedient to Him, he still showed me His love and mercy.

I may not have someone special now beside me to celebrate this day that the Lord has made for me, I have my family, friends and of course my God, my Jesus, my Savior and to Him, I give back all the glory and thanksgiving.

A Halloween Party Pooper!

31 Oct

Yes, ND  said I’m a party pooper.  That’s after me telling him about the Halloween party at work that I didn’t participate in, at least in wearing costume.  But I wore a black shirt. Ain’t it enough?

We have a Halloween celebration at the office but none from our department dressed up for it nor we have the Halloween decoration on our work stations. So I guess we are all a party poopers!

But I don’t care at all. While others from my department didn’t participate in wearing creepy costumes, might be because they just don’t feel like it or that they have other reasons, my own reason is because we don’t really celebrate it or I personally don’t at all believe in celebrating it. Why? I have reasons.

First, being a Christian, I don’t think I should. And I don’t think I should still elaborate on that.

Second, it’s not too “Filipino”.  It’s just too “American” for me.  While I don’t have anything against Americans celebrating them, dressing up in scary costumes or something… it’s just not actually the culture in the Philippines.  While it is also a holiday in the Philippines on this day, well, Nov. 1 actually, it’s not for Halloween, instead it’s called All Saint’s Day and the day after it, Nov 2, is All Souls Day.

Although growing up, I never had heard or seen anyone honoring the “saint’s” during Nov. 1, it is mostly spent going to hometowns and visiting relatives and the grave of the dead loved ones that stretches until Nov 2. It is when they offer flowers and lit candles, and for Chinese-Filipinos, it is also about offering food. However, growing up in  a Christian family, we didn’t really visit graves on the dates mentioned and offer prayers and candles at the same time because we believe that we can visit them anytime in a year, lit candles and that’s it.

About praying for them, I don’t think so. They are already dead. I mean, the main reason most Catholics believe that they should pray for the dead love ones is because they believe in purgatory (which Christians like me don’t) and that their dead family member may be in that place so if they keep on praying for them, God will deliver them out from that place and send them to heaven. That’s the reason we don’t have to pray for them anymore. Because it’s either you go to hell or heaven and there is nothing you can do about it anymore once you are in any of that place.

We can also visit them on these dates but it’s not just because of the tradition.

Third reason. We are just too busy in our department. We have a lot of workloads at the moment and it can’t be delayed.  Yes it may sound too corny but that’s exactly what happened. Others are interested to have something, but none of us have the time to decorate and I guess some of them as just not interested at all for some reasons. But even if I have the time, I won’t. Others, if they want to, I won’t mind it at all.

So I don’t care if I am called a party pooper or what, as long as I don’t compromise my beliefs and hold on to my conviction no matter which environment I am in.

Remembering the Past

5 Oct

Today is the 30th anniversary of our Church. Three decades of God’s amazing works in our church.

Soon we will leave to go to the church service where crowd is expected to reach a million. The venue…that venue… I wonder how will I feel later to be there again. Every year we celebrate our church anniversary there. Not only that, we have been there a lot of times for different church and national activities like election campaign.. and because of that election, the place became significant to me and to someone. perhaps. Maybe. I’m not sure. But to me, it once was.

Well, I already have moved on from that. It was a blissful yet didn’t turn out so well. Now when I think of it, I just see it as a learning experience…I don’t feel anything anymore. I just could just smile at the wonderful memories I once had, even at the not so good once.

I just wonder, what will it be like later to be in that place again.  I’ll find out soon.

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