Tag Archives: blog

Of Optimism, Nostalgia and Reminicsing (The Good Old Days)

24 Feb

I have read some of the old posts I have in my now defunct blog at blog-city.  Some of them were funny, optimistic, too dramatic and others are just plain non sense. LOL. But I don’t know, what happen to my optimism? I feel like it’s either it has decreased tremendously or I already have lost it completely? I use to write about anything I see and feel,  stories about my stupidity, my childhood memories, how I bully and got bullied, the series of posts I wrote about Mr. Dome Cake! hahaha….and everything. Reading them makes me feel really good. It’s nostalgic.  Life that time may not be exactly as “extravagant” as what I have now but it was fun in its own way.  I wasn’t careless but I don’t limit myself too much depriving myself of the things I enjoy.  I remember how I would write so long, my readers call it already a novel. hahaha… But so much has changed. I can’t exactly say all these changes are for the better. But I have really come a long way.

A year after the peak of my blogging life, when I somehow lost my interest in updating my space on the web, I have experienced so much, things you can’t even imagine. My life has changed so much. It was turned up side down.

Wow!Was it for the better? I can’t really say. It has been a roller coaster ride, even up to now.

There was even a time I wrote which I titled “I like how things are going this way now” which is about how I got over my ex and how I look at the “bright side of life.”

I wrote poems, both in Filipino and English, trying to become Shakespeare or our local Balagtas.  I would write about the places I’ve been to, people I have talk to, even the sms I received, and I write them in details.

My readers were not plenty but they rock! Most of them  were young professionals or teens, but one thing I was kind of surprised about was attracting a mother to read my blog on a regular basis.

She said she likes the way I write, entertaining, full of enthusiasm even if the story is tragic. She said she can relate to my heart-broken  posts.

Then I wrote about this mysterious guy with nice looking feet I’ve met in a coffee shop where I work. How he puzzles me until now of his identity.  Who the hell was that guy?

The open letter I wrote for myself. The letter for MR. DAWAN!  hahaha… (DAWAN- which means “THE ONE”) Man, look how flirt I was (or am?) LOL. I wrote quite a few about men. (Oh okay, not few, more than a few about men I encountered. hahahaha…. Such a flirt young lady I was.)

But I am no longer young now. After about 6 years or more, I am here. Older. Yay! I still have that sense of humor in me but not quite like before. I think some happenings in my life has changed my perspective about the world and people I mingle with. I hate to admit but I have become more of a drama queen now. LOL. And he hates it. I hate it too.  Time really can change a person. I am not the same person  I was 10 years ago.

God, I am really getting old! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!!!!!

*panic mode – running around the room screaming!*

I want to go back to that time when hurt and pain hasn’t affected me that much. When I still can wear a big smile despite the hardships I was facing.  When I see the world so big and great. When I make friends to just about anybody and just let my guard down.

How nostalgic this is.

I want to go back to the time when I first saw the Mmmbop video on MTV, to the time John called me from the airport just before his plane takes off and when he made his overseas call, to the time I realized I had a crush on Mr. Dome Cake, to the time B and I were barely starting our friendship, to the time I met Jars of Clay at Greenbelt mall that I almost fainted when they shook my hand, OMG!, to the time I won a book of Bob Ong’s in one of his online contests, to the time I received an invitation to attend the open poetry contest in Maryland, USA, to the time I bought my first computer out of my own money, to the time when my high school crush Jay talked to me for thinking that I was my sister (he knows my sister and we look like a twin they say), to the time when I would just leave home, go to the mall or park and just sit on the bench or on the grass and write, sip my coffee, look at the people passing by….

And of course to the time I first saw him on the camera. How he captured my eyes, though there was a sort of an awkward moment for a few minutes, but it felt good, so good that the things I didn’t expect I’d do, I have done it right that time. To the time I was walking on my way home after our first meeting, the feeling as if you are floating in the air and smiling like a total idiot, to the time he would call me “Jaan” or “Mahal ko” , how we talk about our future and how he wants our future kids to look like me and how I want them to look like him instead (he’s so handsome! Oh those beautiful eyes), and every time he whispers the 3 most powerful words. These are some of the good old days I have. The times where I want to be again.

If there is only a way I can go back, I would.

I miss my old self.

He’s On A Quest For My Blog! Yeah, This Blog!

5 Oct

We’ve been together for 4 years, (even though it was an on and off kind of relationship) yet it was only last week when he found out that I blog or that I write. Well, he knows that I write professionally but he said he wasn’t aware that I write about non-work related stuff… like  blogging. It’s funny. But that is quite weird too. I didn’t mention it within the 4 years… yeah right?

We meet in 2004…and my blogging life started in 2003… although I stopped for a while writing/updating my blog that eventually led to the site shutting it down. I didn’t know I never mentioned it to him.. hmmm…just weird.

I guess probably it’s because I never advertised my blogs. Even my friends (except for a close friend who only knows about my previous blog but not this) and family don’t know about it. The readers of my blogs before were those who don’t know me personally, although some of them eventually became my friends in real life when we decided to meet. I really don’t like advertising my blogs even until now because I want my readers to just discover my blog and like it because they happen to see something about my writing but not because I asked them to check it out. One reason I think is to keep my anonymity and be able to express freely.

Anyway,when he found out…he got so curious he asked for the URL. He said he wants to see what I write about. My thoughts in writing. Then he said that for me not to be conscious at all, he won’t comment on it. And when I was about  to give the url, he stopped me. I asked why. He said, “I don’t want you to tell me because I don’t want you to feel so conscious about what you write there.” But then I told him it’s okay for him to know after all he is the most important person to me, he is my most beloved and we promised not to hide anything to each other. But he said, “but when you get to know I am reading it, even if I don’t comment…it might affect your writing.”

Hmm… So instead of me giving the URL…he decided that he’ll be on a quest to find my blog on his own. Oh yeah! He’ll do blog hopping until he gets to my blog. Wow… with tons of blogs all over the cyberspace, I wonder when he’ll stumble upon this blog of mine. hehehe.. He’s sure to be in a big quest. hehehe…. especially that I am using a pseduo name on here, not really pseduo..but I am anonymous. Well not totally.

Well, but if he really knows me by heart… he will guess it easily if he happens to land on this blog. Well, good luck to your quest baby. Hehehe.. and if you get to read this:  Well then you are good. Really good! And you deserve a prize! What is it? It’s a surprise. But I’m sure you’ll love it.

*just an update though…

He said he already started his quest…he went into this blog site…eblogger? But he said, he found nothing. I asked, how did he start searching…He said he just googled for my name… see for the sites related.  Oh well good luck baby. hmmm… let’s see if you can find this page. hehehe…

of writing and blogging and not being organized… duh?!

2 Aug

sometimes, I just want to write just the way the guys from Jars of Clay do. They have this gift for writing inspiring lyrical prose, which when someone get to hear their music or read their lyrics, would be awed at how they were able to come up with such words and put it all together to describe their feelings or thoughts.

I’ve always admired them for their gift in writing and I wish that I can do the same. I have written some poems a lot of times in the past, some of which were accepted as entries (finalist) in an international poetry contest. However, I still feel that my writings need a lot of improvements particularly on the creative side.  There has been a few times in the past when some of my musician friends approached me and ask if I could write a lyrics for them. I did not exactly agree but also didn’t disagree with the idea, but I just answer (indirectly) that I will give it a try. However, I always end up not coming up with anything. I am, often, too overwhelmed when they do that or somehow feel pressured. I know I have a lot of ideas in my mind and they are actually bothering me so much especially at night, when I can’t sleep because of the rambling thoughts I’ve got in my heads. That’s the reason why I can’t sleep early no matter what I do which often results to an argument with my parents (when I was still living with them), but then that’s another story now.

But those ideas, thoughts rambling on my head… I can’t seem to squeeze them out through my pen and paper, or to my computer. I often find myself writing an intro but can’t finish the entire stuff because I do not know which I should write first.

Or perhaps, maybe I am too focused on how people might react to what I’m going to write. Maybe, I don’t know.

Actually, I have been blogging for quite a while now although there has been an interval for a couple of years. I think one of the reasons was I had a writer’s block. Yes, for that long. My blogging life started in 2003 and I am happy to have some people I can call my readers, enjoying each entry I wrote. They never get tired of my novel-like entries… they even asked for a follow- up.  Some of them even became my good friends in real life. Although my readers weren’t as many as Limpbwisit’s back then, or mindgames’ ( I suspect none of you knows them. LOL), but they were some of the bloggers who got heaps of readers/followers during the time when blogging (at least in the PH) weren’t as popular as it is now, but I am happy to have my own fans. LOL.

But this gets me thinking, although now that the prodigal blogger is back on cyberspace, I wonder if I my writings were influenced by what I think the readers would say or think about it, or it is just me letting my thoughts flow into this piece of writing.

See right now, I know this even doesn’t even make sense at all. I mean, look at how I am writing… no focus at all. I was talking about how good jars of clay is when it comes to writing their lyrics and now, I’m talking about another thing.

Is that really my problem? Lack of focus? well on my writing. Lack of aim.

What is my aim then?

Urghhhh!!!!

I really have a problem writing I know. It’s all about how I organize my thoughts and express them finely through this blog or other ways. That’s my problem I guess, I AM NOT ORGANIZED.

Which leads me to thinking… Oh forget it. that’s going to be another entry! Will write them later.

To Blog Again

14 Feb

I have been a blogger since 2003, only that I used to blog in another free-blogging service site that eventually turned into a paid-blogging service site. Actually, they deleted my first blog when I didn’t get the luxury of time to update it for a quite a while. They informed me that I should at least update it every 4 months or 3 times a year which I failed to do due to some issues I had to face way back. I asked them if they could retrieve my past entries since they are important to me but unfortunately, they can’t or they didn’t. So I though I should start all over again under the same name since for the sake of my readers. But then I was not so motivated to write to that blog anymore even though I spent time customizing the skin of that blog of mine. Probably it is because I have been wanting my previous posts which I have written with all of my heart, but I couldn’t. So when they sent a notice that they will no longer be providing free service, I wasn’t really affected at all, well not affected anymore compared to when they deleted my first blog site.

I also tried other blog sites which still exist up to now but is not updated too. LOL. But I intend to keep it along with this new blog I have here at Worldpress.com. I think this is fresh way to start blogging again. I hope to update this as often as I can. Well, that does not mean I have to do it everyday but since I have all the time in the world now (I quit from job), most probably I would.

I don’t know much about WordPress.com but I have seen a lot of blogs hosted in this domain which are quite popular. Oh, no, that is not the reason I decided to blog on here. One reason I chose WordPress is because of its nice layout. They are simple but elegant. No clutters. Well at least that is what most of the available skins they offer are like. Oh well yeah that also depends on me if I want to use a skin I designed myself or I get from another blogs’ skin-provider sites, that is if WordPress allows that option. And that is something I have to find out. But for now, I’ll stick to the ready made ones.

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