Tag Archives: writing

I Can’t Write

5 Aug

I cannot write. Things happening around me lately are just so intense that it overwhelms me. This is just an attempt to maybe release the tension in my head and in my heart.

My heart is broken again. Sadly because of the same person who broke my heart a countless times.

M.

The only difference this is time, is that this is probably the last time he will break it.

I will see him in less than 2 weeks. I will fly to where he is and see him for the first and last time.

In less than 2 weeks.

After almost 9 years.

After everything we’ve been through.

I feel scared. I don’t know what’s gonna happen. It makes it feel like I’m waiting for my death sentence or death itself.

I cant just write.

I don’t know if I would still write.

Which of these two Journals should I use for 2013? Hmmmm….

29 Dec

One is from my favorite stationery store (Typo), given as a present last year, and the other from the coffee shop (Starbucks), after I have completed a number of stickers in exchange of their drinks. Hmm…

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Trying To Write ( A Rant)

4 Nov

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So its been awhile once again. I haven’t been updating my blog. I have no valid excuse but I was just plain lazy and not keeping my word about my commitment to write every day, even just in my journal. I guess I wasn’t that committed at all. I am distracted with a lot of things – watching tv and movies, reading things on the net but not finishing my books, facebooking, and thinking too much. Well, but if writing means saving thoughts as drafts on my phone and ipad, then maybe, yes I am still writing. But if it means a finish product, publishing it in my blog or submitting it to whoever I am obligated to submit, then I failed at that. I am just so undisciplined now not only with writing but with a lot of things. Now I am trying to write, hopefully. I will finish this and maybe I will feel inspired again.

I don’t know what I am doing with my life to be honest. While others are doing something, I feel like I am living in a routine. Work – home – church – meet friends or family from time to time – go to bookstores and my fave coffee shop. My uneventful life. (Well at least there’s football, it makes me happy somehow.) And gosh, it is already December in less than a month and seriously, where has my 2012 gone? I feel like nothing so significant happened yet and it’s already year-end?

There are things I’d like to do. I made a list of some “short and long term goals, if you can call them that, however I wasn’t so sure if those are really what I want. I am confused. Gosh, am I not too old to be still confused of what I want?

I do not feel inspired anymore. I lost my focus. I lost it when things didn’t turn out as I wish it would. So I tend to live with not a clear aim in my head about where I want to be and what I want to be. And I feel like too mainstream! Too mainstream and I do not like it! This isn’t me and this isn’t what I wanted.

I need a break. I need time to figure things out. I need to do something about this.

I’m Back (again)!

23 Aug

I’m back (again).

I know I haven’t been posting here and one of my last update was that I made a promise that I will write everyday. Well, I was unsuccessful with it. I failed. There are reasons but I will just label them as “my dumb excuses” so I won’t bother enumerating them here. The important thing is I’m back, not only in blogging but also in journaling. Yes, I also haven’t been writing too much in my journal. Though I have some writings saved in my iPad but most where rough drafts that needs rewriting and editing. And that is something I would like to do next, finish them so I could share them here on my blog.

So what am I up to lately?

Well, aside from my day job,I haven’t been doing much. I have been thinking a lot though, and doing a lot of thinking. Too much of it in fact. I am also trying to read, though, until now, I’m not done reading the “BUYOLOGY” book that I started early this year. But I have been reading a lot of articles online, and trying to start other books. Man, there are just too many to read including the blogs I have subscribed to. Information overload.

We just had a long weekend, 4 days, due to Eid and Ninoy Aquino day. But sadly though, aside from watching the latest Bourne movie – The Bourne Legacy, attending service and practices at the church, dusting our house and singing in the karaoke, I haven’t accomplished any, especially in writing. I was hoping I would write more or finish those I have started, but the earth seems to be spinning too fast and I found myself with no more time to sit and write.

But anyways, I have a few writings on my draft right now and I intend  to finish them soon so I could start with the others on my queue.

Then, I have been thinking about relationships too. Not the romantic one. Okay, the romantic one also, but that’s a completely different story. Lol. Well, seriously though, this time I am concerned about a platonic relationship with a person very close to me. I treasure our friendship so much, however, there seems to be a problem that I am not quite aware of.

Well for now, that’s it. I will update soon. Good night.

Writing Today, Not Tomorrow.

28 Jun

I just read Jeff Goins’s post on “Why You Need to Write Every Day”, and while on it, I felt inspired and compelled to “write”, however I said to myself, since it is late already, (10:30pm in my city), I will start the “writing everyday” tomorrow instead.  I had a long day at work, and I have no more energy and that all I could do is read his ebook or his blogposts. But in the article,  Jeff said, just write and stop making excuses but, before I even finish the article, there I was, already making excuses on why I shouldn’t do it. Right!

At the end of the article, he said, “Don’t wait until tomorrow. Get started now. Spend 30 minutes today taking it one step further in the development process. So what if it sucks? You need to get those juices flowing.” And I literaly laughed because that is what I was thinking that moment.

And that was the reason for this post, I just don’t want to wait until tomorrow to write and I have to do it now, today and I don’t care if it sucks! Hahaha!!! At least I’ve written something and didn’t wait till tomorrow. 🙂

So good night, will write again tomorrow. As part also of the discipline I am starting now (yes not tomorrow), I will go to bed early today so I can get up early tomorrow! Yey!

If you want to be inspired too and learn more on writing and the discipline a writer should have, read Jeff Goins blog here or better yet download his ebook  – You Are a Writer (So Start Acting Like One).

Hiatus

14 Jun

“You are a writer, you just need to write.” – Jeff Goins

Right, I haven’t been writing lately here on my blog. I haven’t come up with a decent post yet and there are still some writing tasks on my queue that needs my full attention.

You probably noticed that some of my posts lately were short, or some lyrical prose that I got from some of the songs that inspires me. I guess I sort of have gone through a hiatus from blogging. It was not something planned… it just happened. I didn’t get tired of blogging or writing though, but I don’t know what happened exactly.

I have been writing but mostly unpublished, just saved in my email’s draft or in a notepad, or in my journal, but those were just random thoughts I have. I sort of had this “break”. No, I am not having a writer’s block because I still could write somehow but usually too short or too private to share or not decent enough to land on this site. In fact there were too many ideas in my head that I want to write about and share here, but I don’t know why I can’t properly write. I’m probably just too overwhelmed with  a lot of things lately. Don’t know really…

Until recently I followed Jeff Goin’s blog, the author of “You Are A Writer (So Start Acting Like One)” and other books on writing, and I just got inspired again. His posts everyday about writing just bombarded me with messages and reminders that I need to write and I have to write.   His advices are so helpful, I feel motivated again.

So  I am back now.  Yes I will write again. I will blog again.  Like what Jeff Goins said, “You are a Writer, You just need to write.”

And this quote from the movie “Finding Forrester” also helped:

“No thinking – that comes later. You must write your first draft with your heart. You rewrite with your head. The first key to writing is… to write, not to think!”

So enough of  just ‘thinking’ and I got to start ‘writing’ again.  🙂

Date A Girl Who Writes (In a Journal)

28 Feb

I’m not going to write a piece similar to that one  Rosemarie Urquico wrote: “Date A Girl Who Reads“, though I would love to have my own version but I guess she already nailed it, especially in the end when she said, “Or better yet, date a girl who writes. 🙂

I write. Well I’m not saying this so men (note: single men) should date me… okay, sure they can ask me out. LOL What am I saying?! I hope people wouldn’t think of this as an advertisement of myself being single or worst a desperate act to tell the world that “Hey! I’m not married. ” Nope. This is about writing. So let’s go back to writing anyway. 😛

I write a lot. It started in my high school years, after I discovered that I could write poems that made me a finalist in an international poetry contest sponsored by an organization in the US, or slogans chosen for a government-initiated program. My interest was even fueled when I had Journalism as my elective class. My teacher who is a Journalist herself encouraged me to write more after she read my articles for her class. At first I wasn’t sure about it – I was doubting my skills and thought that maybe it is better that I just take up any computer-related course in college instead of anything related to writing.  But it was also around that period when I started to keep a journal. Not a Diary. A JOURNAL. (Yes there are differences between the two and that deserves another blog entry.) 

I would write everything in my journal – my thoughts about my classes, movies, my favorite bands, my friends, my poems, favorite Bible verses or song verses, my crushes, scribbles, horrible drawings, everything! It was as if I found another best friend apart from the human friends I have – my Journal. I would pour out my thoughts and I would feel great every time I write them down. But it was also that journal that sent me to my own ‘prison cell’ when I left it in my room one day and my parents invaded my privacy  read what I wrote about puffing a cigarette and sipping beer for  curiosity’s and experience’s sake! Man! My parents freaked out and suspected I was also doing drugs! Why are parents so exaggerated sometimes? LOL. So it resulted to me being grounded for about two months or more. Oh blame my Journal! (Oh well, maybe that story too deserves another post.)

From then on, I would never leave my journal at home. Nope! I don’t want to be grounded anymore.  😛  Also because I need it when thoughts or ideas would pop up in my head. I will have to write it down instantly so I won’t forget. So I made sure it is inside my bag wherever I go. 😀 I also learned from the song-writing workshop I attended before that when you’re a writer or a composer, you have to keep a notebook with you all the time, because you do not know when a good song/poetry/story will come up.

Journaling also helped me survive the four-year Journalism course I decided to take up in college.  My journals then would not only contain stories about crushes, or favorite lines from the book or lyrical prose, but also writings about socio-political issues. You can say, the journal content has matured in time. (*Opps, matured content meaning relevant and serious topics on life and politics  but not  the “For Adults” only okay? LOL)

And now, despite having this blog (I started blogging in 2003 under a different name. Read: About Me) I still keep a journal. Every year I would buy cute notebooks or (since 2004) collect Starbuck’s planners and use it as my journal. Also I still have pens, pencils, eraser and a pencil case that you can find inside my bag. Yes, despite the high-tech computers, ipads and iphones  or other convenient gadgets where you can compose electronic messages or post on blogs,  I still keep a journal and write using my favorite pen.

My older sister and I share the same interests in any writing material. When we see cute notebooks, we would buy them, even if that means it will be kept in the drawers, unused. It’s only because I love to look at any cute writing material. 🙂 We call ourselves “Notebook Suckers” actually.

And during my trip to KL late last year, I found this store TYPO that sells awesome journals, notebooks, pens, etc… and I instantly fell in love with that shop! Oh how I wish we have TYPO in Manila! I found a journal in their store with a design that says “This Is My Blog”  – I would have bought it if not for the obvious damage on the cover. It was the last piece.  When I got back to Manila, I checked their website and saw a perfect one that I like – A red journal with an engraved Eiffel Tower design at the front.  Luckily, one of my church friends went to KL for work-related tour so I asked her to buy it for me and here it is:

My Eiffel Tower Journal by TYPO

Eiffel Journal by TYPO

It is so lovely. But for some reasons, I don’t want to use it. LOL Or not yet. I just want to look at it and smell it. I just love the smell of the paper. Well I already have a journal from Starbucks that I use this year that’s why. And I only keep one Journal a year and write almost everything there, though you’d find a lot of small pieces of paper or post it notes with my writings, either in the book I’m reading or inside the journal itself. Like my 2011 journal below:

2011 Starbucks Journal

2011 Journal and my disgusting hand writing and the post-it notes 😀

And here’s my 2012 Starbucks Journal:

2012 Starbucks Journal

I guess I’m still conventional in some ways – like keeping a Journal. Sure I appreciate the innovation and the advance technology we have in this era but I guess there’s still nothing like writing in a paper or journal or notebook. Oh give me a cute notebook/notepad/journal or even post it notes or pens, and you’d surely hear my sincere appreciation. I just love them.

So why is this post’s title then about Dating A Girl Who Writes (In a Journal)? Because I couldn’t think of a better title I guess. LOL. 😀  But on a side note, I think  a Girl or Woman who writes (whether in a journal or not) is someone who thinks deeply, who probably looks quiet or sometimes naive but is overflowing with intelligence and sound advices, who appreciates life and takes joy even from the simplest things around her, who is in touch with her emotions thus capable of understanding other’s emotions too, and someone who sees the beauty out of the ordinary.

So, a girl or woman who writes is someone not just worth dating but also worth marrying! 🙂

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